Tuesday, March 20, 2012
UPDATE: Happy Pants Production Halted Over Adult Labor Violation Concerns
Happy Pants, the “uber-chic loungewear for babies” upstart from a young Chicago entrepreneur, is wearing a sad face today amid allegations from its sole employee of mistreatment and unlawful working conditions.
Since Daddy makes up the entire assembly line, his strike has brought production to an abrupt stop.
Asked to describe the working conditions, he simply began to sob.
His son (and owner) Bub stepped in: “Pretty standard work day, really. 9 – 5, an hour for lunch, plus naptime. Paid. I’m not really clear as to exactly where manservant’s grievances truly lie.”
“Well, he refers to me as manservant,” Daddy said. “So there’s that.”
“If he wants a new title, all he has to do is apply for a promotion,” Bub said. “However, there are currently no vacancies.”
Daddy went on to reveal harrowing tales of early morning work starts, subpar lighting, a blister on his right index finger and an “unrealistic” work load.
“So far we’ve had two orders,” Bub said. “One from Germany, and one that was cancelled. He thought they ‘did something extra for that price.’”
The Twittersphere was abuzz with reaction, including this one from @Bub: “@Daddy You can dress a turd in a tutu all you want. But at the end of the day, you’re still just left with a dancing turd.”
“Must be some other Bub,” Bub said.
“Was the fuck is a Twittersphere?” Daddy said.
“It’s not really manservant’s fault,” a thoughtful Bub said. “In his defense, he has never put in a full day’s work in his life. Not everyone’s cut out for it.”
Asked if there was any hope of solving this labor stand-off anytime soon, Daddy said, “Yes. I quit.”
When informed of Daddy’s decision, Bub said, “Oh, my. Sounds like somebody forgot to wear his Happy Pants.”