Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Essence of Children’s Ring Toss Misinterpreted, Baby Cries

 A Chicago father is in hot water again after “misunderstanding” the rules of a simple children’s game.

The man, known as Daddy, was suspected of severe intelligence deficiency after his 17 month-old son, Bub, reported his plan to project him, and not like a film at a drive-in.

“He was going to chuck me,” Bub said, “like a giant lawn dart.”

“It’s called Children’s Ring Toss!” Daddy said. “I mean, how else could you possibly interpret that?”

I think the generally accepted interpretation is that it’s a smaller ring toss game made for children to play amongst themselves.

“No, that’s stupid,” Daddy said. “Kids can’t even spell ring, let alone toss one. That’s an absolutely asinine idea.”

As opposed to tossing your son like a sack of flour into a giant plastic ring?

“Wow, you made me think of flour babies just then,” Daddy said. “Man, those things were awesome. Do they still make those?”

Fun Fun Joy Joy, makers of the game, issued a company statement stating that your average two year-old could look at the box and see instantly how to play.

“The picture is pretty straightforward,” Bub said. “Scoring is ambiguous, but I’m sure it’s covered in the rulebook.”

“What the fuck is a rulebook?” Daddy said.

Asked if he could forgive Daddy, Bub said, “Not likely. I haven’t been this upset about rings since White Castle’s brought back chicken rings.”

When informed of Bub’s comments and asked if he thought an apology was in order, might be the first step toward mending some fences with his son, Daddy said, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening. Can you repeat that?”

After repeating the question, he began to noticeably drool a bit: “Mmm, chicken rings,” he said.

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