Monday, March 26, 2012

Ruckus Ensues After Child ‘Dissed’ by Fellow Safeway Shopper

A young Chicago lad unwittingly incited a minor scuffle between his father and another supermarket shopper yesterday when his friendly greeting fell on deaf ears.

The incident occurred while the 17 month-old boy, known as Bub, and his father, Daddy, waited for a self-checkout lane to open.

Bored in his stroller, with no fikey in sight, Bub allegedly waved to the man in front of them, James Walker. What follows is a transcript taken from store video surveillance cameras.

Bub: Hiiiiiiii! Hiiiiiiii! Hiiiiiiii!

Daddy: (taps Walker on shoulder) Hey man, I think my kid is saying hi to you.

Walker: (looks at Daddy like with equal parts disgust and pity) Terrific. You teach him that all by yourself?

Daddy: Well, it’s just that we’re trying to reinforce him saying hi with him getting an answer.

Walker: So answer him—he’s your kid.

Daddy: Why would I answer? He’s clearly talking to you.

Bub: Hiiiiii! Hiiiiii!

Walker: (shrugs shoulders) Well, whoop-dee-fuckin-doo.

Daddy: (leans in, nearly whispering) Watch the poopmouth, huh? Come on, man, how hard is it? Be a sport. I’ll buy you a Zagnut or something.

Walker: (shakes his head) I’m on a diet. From stupid. And my lane’s open.

Walker heads to check-out. Daddy walks up behind him, knocks his Vitamin D half-gallon to the floor, spilling it everywhere.

Daddy: Yo, I said say hi to my kid, bitch!

Bub: Hiiiii! Hiiiii! (End of transcript)  

Walker could not be reached for comment, as legal action is now pending. Daddy, however, has no money for a lawyer.

“Crying over spilt milk,” Daddy said, with no trace of irony. “Seriously, what kind of a freak doesn’t like a baby waving at them? This is the same kind of guy that probably clubs baby seals and staples kittens to his carpet for fun.” Then he added, “Still took that free Zagnut, though. Just for the record.”

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