Wednesday, August 22, 2012

UPDATE: Toddler Fiefdom Bublandia Shutters Its Borders After 24 Days

In what is being hailed by one parent as a “sweeping, resolute victory,” the world’s tiniest kingdom, Bublandia is no more.

The recently deposed King Bub emerged from the kingdom walls last night waving a soiled diaper. He was barely recognizable under layers of grime and a scraggly beard.

“My loyal subjects were ready to be Gallipoli-ed with me, but cooler heads prevailed,” the now-just-plain Bub said, fighting back tears. “Now does anybody here have a goddamn TWINKIE???”

A dearth of food and water undoubtedly hastened the collapse of the neophyte state. This hit Bub, the only non-stuffed inhabitant of Bublandia, the hardest.

“In the end, he threatened to eat us all,” Orange Monkey, one of Bub’s loyal subjects reported. “But then Giraffe reminded him he was a vegetarian. Whoops.”

Numerous other factors contributed to the fall of the 2.5’ by 4’ empire, including “tired” soil, a lackluster sewage system and the production of nothing.

“Also, the eco-tourism thing never really took off the way I’d hoped,” Bub added.

As a result, Bublandia will be absorbed back into Parentopolis, effective immediately. Grand Puba of Parentopolis, Daddy, had only this to say:

“Bow to my victory scepter, bitches!”

Despite the taunting and misery that is sure to beset Bub under such a regime, he says he has no regrets:

“It turns out peace and love is not a sustainable model for a republic after all, but we gave it a good run. And, selfishly, I’d say founder/ruler of a sovereignty before age two will look pretty good on my resume.”

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