Monday, December 10, 2012

Cooking With the Bubster

Okay everybody, welcome to Cooking with the Bubster. Today I’m going to show you how to prepare my personal twist on a traditional American breakfast, or what I like to call Bub’s Brekkie Delight.

First, add your pancake and eggs at the same time. In fact, I recommend putting the eggs about halfway on top of the pancake. When it comes to same-pan frying, my policy is don’t ask, I tell. Do it. We’re looking for a nice, stiff, overhard here. Man, that pancake is shinier than my tricycle. And I think we all know shiny equals awesome.

Next, add your bacon, way over here.  

Again, don’t sweat the technique; simply put your trust on the spatula of Wolfgang Bub. We are looking for a nice, almost Old Navy sandal-esque kind of chew to it. Man, I could gnaw on one of those things for hours. Just divine.

Okay, our eggs are done. Go ahead and take those out with your hand.

Note the perfect discus-like shape we have. CAN I GET A FUCKING PLATE AROUND HERE? Cheese and crackers, people—trying to host a show.

Now you want to move one slice of bacon over here. Just one. No questions. Make like Nike, and just do it.

Carefully slide your spatula underneath, and…OH MY GOD, WHERE DID MY PANCAKE GO? I forgot to mention to always safeguard your kitchen against hotcake gnomes. They’ll getcha. Anyway, gently flip your bacon over and…

Okay, you know what? That's it. I can’t do this anymore. Take your public access spatula and go fork yourself. I’m out. 

End of live feed.

No comments:

Post a Comment