The Chicago baby known as Bub promptly announced his retirement from boxing after succumbing to The Curly Menace by TKO in 18 seconds, the victim of a wicked haymaker to the forehead.
“I don’t think I was clear on the rules,” Bub said afterwards. “I had no idea I was to be assaulted.”
“We just watched Rocky IV,” Daddy, Bub’s manager/trainer/father said. “Two words—montage scene. What more training do you need?”
Apparently quite a bit. Eyewitnesses report the fight starting slow, the two combatants sizing one another up.
“They just kind of stood there,” one witness said. “Staring, drooling, normal baby stuff. Then all of a sudden, that boy was on his butt, crying his face off.”
“That punch started somewhere down near Memphis, Tennessee. Traveled all the way up the Mississippi just to wash over that poor boy,” another said. “Flash flood, son,” he added, proud of his metaphor.
With no official moderator in place, the fight was stopped by The Menace’s anonymous nanny despite Daddy’s insistent, shrill screams of GET UP!!!!
“Was it a good punch? Okay, yes, I would award her the round,” Daddy said. “Do I think it was a premature TKO? Absolutely. She didn’t even count!”
“The baby, he just lay there crying,” the nanny said. “He didn’t want no more of this. He finish. And that man owe me five dollar.”
“This isn’t over,” Daddy said. “Let’s just say I’ll be filing an appeal with the WBO.”
Not likely, considering the event was unsanctioned, unlicensed and borderline illegal. Passed on by pay-per-view and MTV alike, the match was reduced to being held “freeform” in a long-standing playground squared circle known as The Big Choo-Choo before a crowd of five, counting a napping infant.
Asked if Daddy wasn’t just a little insecure that his boy was beat down by a girl, Daddy said, “That was a girl?”
Indeed it was, and in a cruel twist of fate, the very same girl who not a day earlier had bestowed a kiss upon Bub’s virginal cheek. Ah, love--the sweet and sour sauce of life.
We asked the Menace (real name Olivia Johnson) about the nature of the love/hate relationship.
“Yeah, he’s cute,” she said, “But sometimes you want to punch cute in the mouth.”
Asked if he found it ironic he was just knocked the fuck out by the same girl about whom he was waxing eloquent yesterday, Bub said, “That was a girl?”
Bub finishes with a career record of 0 – 1. Daddy has tentatively scheduled a rematch for “anytime, anyplace.”
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