Thursday, January 19, 2012

Father Plays Chicken With Johnny Law


A Chicago man known only as Daddy was questioned late Tuesday evening after he allegedly dressed his infant son up as a chicken and attempted to sell him to a local live poultry vendor.

“I tell him, sir, we are not buying cocks, only selling,” said Emir Rashad, proprietor of Fancy Cock Salon. “But he say to me, ‘I have so big cock. Cheap cheap.’ So I take look, yes.”

What he allegedly saw was Daddy’s son, Bub, dressed in a third-rate chicken costume. Rashad wasn’t fooled for a second.

“This cock look funny, so I ask him where he get it,” Rashad said. “He tell me he find it. Okay, Chicago, yes, it is possible to catch cock in alleyway. Especially this one, it is very slow-moving cock. Then cock cry.”

“I think the beak gave us away,” Daddy said, referring the non-existent appendage. “The colors were right, the feathers were money. I don’t know what else it could have been.”

“Cock have no beak?” Rashad said. “Maybe it is fighting cock, lose beak in wartime. Fighting cock very vigorous, very expensive.”

Asked about the motivations behind his actions, Daddy said: “It’s like day care, for chickens. You know, Bub gets in there, meet some little chickens, makes some friends.” 

“I think he is confusing about my business,” Rashad said. 

Fancy Cock Salon is a small market for live chickens that are killed to order, according to Islamic law, so that the meat is Halal. When asked what Halal was, Daddy said:

“I could be wrong, but I believe his was a closer for the Houston Astros in the late 70s.”

A dejected Bub said only this: “King of empty promises. He said wearing this ridiculous get-up was going to get me a bunch of chicks. Instead I got hives.”

Police questioned Daddy for about five minutes, finally concluding that his story didn’t make sense on many different levels. He was released on his own stupidity.


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