Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Stupid Question
It can happen on a sunny walk, in the grocery store, or at the doctor's office, but it always seems to come out of left field, a low blow to the SAD (Stay At-home Dad) ego. There are subtle variations, but they can all pretty much be summed up here:
'Awww...that's so cute. Giving Mommy the day off work? Well, I think that's just grand.'
Now, I don't want to go on a rant here, because I don't even know where to start. Never mind--I'll just start swinging wildly here in my blinding rage and see what connects.
First off, I'll thank you not to talk to me like I'm a Pomeranian. I'm a man. A man versus baby. Learn the difference. Secondly, how presumptively ignorant are you? I mean, what year is this, anyway? Thirdly, there's really not much cute about it. Try coming over for a day, see how cute that is. On second thought, you're weird. Never mind. Fourthly, I could use a day off myself, thank you very much. And only I call her Mommy.
So, how do I even go about beginning to think about how to respond to this? Depends largely on my mood, I suppose, which character I channel to field the question. A light sampling:
Dice Clay: Yo, work this.
Paris Hilton: Like, what's this, like, work thing?
Yogi Berra: Sometimes a day off is better than a day on, trust me. And sometimes to get one off, you first have to get on. But before you can get on, be sure not to get off, 'cause that'll definitely get your day off on the wrong foot.
Drew Peterson: Mommy took several days off, heh heh. And they got nothin' on me.
George Carlin: Well, what exactly is a day off? Don't mean to cut you off, but you're putting me off, so why don't you take off before I kick off and really start sounding off! Your efforts to call me off will just piss me off and I'll keep going off until you offer to pay me off with a sum I can live off and you can simply write off, ya jack-off.
Dave Chappelle: Mehhhhh.