Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Bubstoke, the Legend of Tarzan
Abandoned at birth, raised in the forest by friendly brown bears who inexplicably didn't devour him, Bubstoke learned the ways of the brown bear. He earned their trust and their loyalty, and they treated them as one of their own. He learned and adopted their lifestyle, and he was generally a happy man-bear. But that was all about to change.
One day while out in the river trout-fishing with his best friend Larry, shots rang out. Larry went down in a heap, leaving Bubstoke to fend for himself for the first time. Alone, confused, and scared, Bubstoke ran as fast as he could, but as aforementioned, he was in a river, so it was challenging. Some animals he would later recognize as "men" came out of the bushes. They looked at him curiously. But before he could attack, a much smaller shot rang out, and the men pulled a tranquilized Bubstoke out of the river and into civilization.
Bubstoke had this terrible nightmare. He dreamt that he was with his buddy Larry, having trout tartare on the riverbank, when...wait a minute. As he opened his eyes, he was surrounded by men in masks. He roared his mightiest roar, but the men only smiled and shook their heads. They did not retreat. Enraged, Bubstoke showed his claws and prepared to dice them into filets. But instead of running, the men laughed. 'Why do they scoff at my might?' Bubstoke soliloquized. 'Don't they know I have dingleberries in my fur bigger than them?'
When the laughing subsided, the men tried talking to Bubstoke and asking him questions, but it was no use, since he only spoke brown bear. Finally, one of the men had a grand idea. He grabbed a small hand mirror from the counter and showed it to Bubstoke:
And our story begins here...