Thursday, May 12, 2011
Talking to a Brick Bub
Bub’s conversational skills aren’t exactly developing at the rate I had hoped. His vocabulary is minimal, his grammar weak at best and his intonation? Don’t even talk to me about intonation. Nuff said. Consider Exhibit A, a recent dialogue:
B: Hey Daddy, I want to put that in my mouth.
J: No Bub, that’s Daddy’s crossword puzzle.
B: What’s a crossword puzzle, Daddy?
J: Shut up, Bub.
This conversation clearly highlights a few deficiencies. First off, he is obviously completely narcissistic and self-centered. It’s all about him, his mouth (A), and getting things (B) into it. I am merely a vessel of transporting B into A. I tried to confront him about this:
J: Now how do you think that makes me feel, Bub? Being your mule. Your pawn. Your day laborer.
B: Um…wait, wait. Let me think about it. No, I have no idea.
J: Angry, Bub. Unappreciated. You know what? Congratulations, this is going in my blog.
B: What’s a blog, Daddy?
J: Can it, Bub.
Secondly, there’s not even a remote sense of cognizance of the most basic of social graces. No pleases, thank-yous, not even a hello. We discussed, of course:
J: Bub, I need you to say please and thank you once in a while.
B: Please and thank you once in a while.
J: Don’t be a smart-ass, Bub.
B: What’s a smart-ass, Daddy?
J: Zip it, Bub.
Thirdly, he’s obviously not very bright. If look at Exhibit A in detail, you will no doubt recognize that I am obviously holding the crossword puzzle, ergo, he has already seen what it is and yet then he asks what it is. Oh well, another MENSA bubble burst. I'm sure it won't be the last.