Friday, August 12, 2011

Bub is a Battlefield

In another shocking setback for my fading sense of self, Bub has secured his stranglehold over the entire media of music with a series of brilliant titular manipulations.

From the Beatles (‘All You Need is Bub’) to Taylor Dayne (‘Bub Will Lead You Back’), even Stevie Wonder (‘Part-time Bubber), apparently no musical artist is safe from his infectious lyrical modifications.

It’s not just the lyrics, though, he’s also bastardized the meaning of every song to its very ideological core. No longer are Band of Horses singing about my wife. Nope, it’s now ‘No One’s Gonna Bub Your More Than I Do.’ Blasphemy.

‘The Greatest Love of All’ is no longer about crack cocaine, as the author writes it, or, as my twelve year-old brain interpreted, masturbation (“Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all?” C’mon)  It’s all about Bub.  The smooth sounds of the 80s, 90s and beyond on K-BUB 105. All Bub, all the time.

So now, ladies and gents, from ABC records comes our greatest Bub Compilation ever, on 2 CDs or long-play cassettes, featuring:

‘Prisoner of Bub’
‘Will You Still Bub Me Tomorrow?’
‘Can’t Buy Me Bub’
‘Crazy Little Thing Called Bub’
‘You Give Bub a Bad Name’
‘Bub Bites’
‘Bub the Way You Bub’
‘Tainted Bub’
‘Can You Feel the Bub Tonight?’
‘When a Man Bubs a Woman’
‘Tonight I Celebrate My Bub’
‘I’ll Make Bub to You’
‘That’s the Way Bub Goes’
‘I’d do Anything for Bub (But I Won’t do That)’
‘I Want to Know What Bub is’
‘How Deep is Your Bub’

But wait, you’ll also get:

‘All Out of Bub’
‘Because You Bubbed Me’
‘Bub Me Tender’
‘You’ve Lost That Bubbin’ Feeling’
‘Hello, I Bub You’
‘A Groovy Kind of Bub’
‘Feel Like Makin Bub’
‘Keep on Bubbing You’

And who could forget these classics?

‘What’s Bub Got to Do With It?’
‘Addicted to Bub’
‘Bub Don’t Cost a Thing’
‘Justify My Bub’
‘Dream Bubber’
‘Prisoner of Bub’
‘A Big Hunk O’ Bub’

You get all this for just $19.99, plus processing and handling. Order in the next 15 minutes, and we’ll throw in a free Wilson Phillips Greatest Hits EP! Supplies are limited, not sold in stores. Please allow 10-12 weeks for delivery. Illinois residents subject to state sales tax. Order now!

***Shout out to wifey for some of these. Any more you want to post are welcome in the comments =)


  1. Just tried to post a LOOOONG list of songs and lost the whole thing trying to log in. Must...try...again...

  2. Okay...2nd try. These come from a few hours in the car, some random titles and loads of scrolling through my iPod up to the "L" section. Apologies for any duplications...

    Stop! In the Name of Bub

    Tonight I Celebrate My Bub

    Afraid of Bub

    Ain't That a Lot of Bub

    Let Your Bub Show

    What About Bub?

    On the Wings of Bub

    Bub Will Keep Us Together

    Can't Buy Me Bub

    Bub Makes the World Go 'Round

    Crazy Bub

    Don't Take Your Bub to Town

    Bub Man

    Don't Throw Your Bub On Me So Strong

    For Your Bub

    Bub and Hard Times

    Bub Ain't For Keeping

    Bub at the Five and Dime

    Bub Conquers All

    Bub Has Found a Way

    Bub Has Something Else to Say

    I Got Bub if You Want It

    Bub's Been Good to Me

    Bub's in Need of Bub Today

    Bub is a Dangerous Necessity

    Bub is Like a Heat Wave

    Bub Look (At Us Now)

    Bub of My Life

    Bub Minus Zero/No Limit

    I'm a Bub Man

    Bub of the Common People

    Bub or Confusion

    Bub Reign O'er Me

    Bub Will Find a Way

    To be continued?!? Yeah, I doubt it...! :)