Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The Other Women in my Life
I’ve always been a little hyperactive. So the winter is always a hard time for me--all the same energy but way fewer places to put it. I’ve never been much of a gym rat, but it has helped in the past to rid my body of some of that excess vigor. Well, here in Bubland, that option quickly went out the window. So I had to go to plan B. Let me introduce you to my new girlfriends.
Now I was familiar with Jillian from her hilarious Biggest Loser antics, but we didn’t actually become physically acquainted until about three months ago, when her 30 Day Shred dvd found its way into our home. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight. For starters, she was insanely demanding right from Level 1. She took my breath away in approximately 8 minutes and made my body hurt in places I’d rather not catalogue. But eventually, her hard-ass demeanor started to wear on me, and by the time level 3 was completed, we really had nothing else to say to one another. Her “up and squeeze’s” just didn’t do it for me anymore. And then I met Jackie.
I won’t bore you with the details of our introduction—pretty much your standard boy buys dvd to meet girl story. Jackie Warner (though I affectionately refer to her as J-Dub) is apparently a personal trainer to the stars. This could explain why she looks so much like a cut-up Scarlett Johansson. Anyway, she was much more encouraging than Jillian, with a voice that could melt medicine balls. It’s safe to say we hit it off from the beginning. I can only imagine we would do the same should we someday (fingers crossed) meet in person:
JC: Excuse me, have we met?
JW: I don’t think so.
JC: Ha! I was just kidding. Of course we have. We’ve been working out together for the last two months.
JW: Mmm hmm. Spin class?
JC: Excuse me?
JC: Bless you.
JW: I’m not sure I’m following you.
JC: Oh, but I’m following you. Every morning at around 10:00. You’re Jackie Warner.
JW: Oh, the video, right? Now I get it.
JW: So…you like the workouts? Um, which circuit do you do?
JC: All of them. A regular renaissance man of the living room.
JW: Great, well, I should probably get back to this in-flight magazine.
JC: Sure. Can I just tell you something, in a totally non-weird, platonic kind of way?
JW: I can’t stop you, can I?
JC: Right. I think your delts are jammin.’