Tuesday, July 16, 2013

What’s Yours is Mine

English is a crap language for kids to have to learn. It makes no sense it so many ways. But it also makes for some entertaining discussions. Take possessive pronouns, for example. Hilarity can easily ensue.

This all started with an innocent discussion at the lunch table:

“Daddy, eat your sandwich.”
“I already ate my sandwich, Bub. You eat your sandwich now.”
“Daddy, wanna eat your sandwich?”
“Mine’e gone, Bub. Do you see my sandwich?”
“Daddy wanna share your sandwich?”
Oh, I get it now. He doesn’t know the word ‘my,’ so he’s using ‘your in its place. And I thought he was just slow…
“You mean YOUR sandwich?”
“Yes, your sandwich.”

Well, that didn’t help. Damn English.

“No, you say MY sandwich, Bub.”
“My sandwich.”
“Say ‘You wanna share my sandwich?’”
“You wanna share my sandwich, Daddy?”
“Nah, not hungry. Already ate my sandwich.”

When you don’t clarify, you can find yourself in situations not unlike this one:

“Where’d your privates go?”

He was trying to bait me into another fun-filled game of pre-bath private peekaboo. Oddly, I wasn’t in the mood. But this did make for a concrete, if awkward, teaching moment.

“Well, Bub, MY privates are in MY pants.”

He flashed me.

“Boo! There they are!”
“No, those are YOUR privates.”
“Ohhh, where’d YOUR privates go?”


“I told you, they’re…”
“BOO! There they are!”

Again with the crotch shot.

“No, Bub, listen. YOU say MY privates. Repeat after me. Where did MY privates go?”
“Say it with me. Where did my privates go?”
“Where’d your privates go?”
Getting loud, gesture-y now: “No, Bub, repeat: WHERE DID MYYYYY PRIVATES GO?”
“What are you guys doing in there?” Mommy yelled.
“GRAMMAR!” I screamed over my shoulder, “NOW WHERE DID MY PRIVATES GO?!”
“In your pants, Daddy.”

**This is actually a few months old. He's since gotten much better at differentiating his privates from mine.

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