Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Crappiest Birthday EVER

Today is Mommy's birthday, and she is really getting the shaft. Not only is she at her second day at her new job (where few people know her name, let alone the day she joined planet Earth), but we just moved the whole familial unit 2400 miles out to sunny Portland. We are living with my very generous brother and wife; though friendly takeover seems more apropos of what we've done here. We've even displaced the poor cat.

Anyway, it does seem to happen that nearly every year in the eleven that we've been together, something is in the way of her birthday. One year we were moving to Vegas, last year she was eight months pregnant and COULD NOT FUCKING EAT SUSHI. Always something. Several were spent traveling, including this one:

It makes them memorable in their own way, but not necessarily they way she may want. Birthdays should be relaxing, mellow. All spritzers and neck massages. Not a stress-cloud of uncertainty hanging over us, raining applications and credit checks and references all over our parade. Me going to the DMV instead of the ice cream cake store. WTF? And, yes, I did schedule a quick apartment viewing for right after we pick her up from work. Oh yes he did.

But one thing I know she always wanted was a blog post. This is that post.

So happy birthday to you, my beautiful, stunning, strong, independent, feisty, occasionally backseat-driving wife. You are the only one for me. You keep me righted and call me on my shit. You lift me up, even though I'm clearly much heavier than you. You're a wonderful, natural mother to our kids. You even taught one how to tongue. You are tireless and stubborn and I love that. And you pull it all off with that effortless grace I fell in love with so long ago. I could go on and on, but naptime is almost over.

In short, you are the water that dilutes my juice in this sippy cup called life. Or maybe it's the other way around. The point is we mix for a mean cocktail, you and me. This is a brand new chapter in our rich narrative together, and like anything worthwhile, it's scary as hell. But let's go kick this town in the teeth, what do you say? Here's to you, baby. Happy birthday.


  1. Absolutely beautiful tribute to my fabulous daughter

  2. "...even though I am clearly much heavier than you.". THAT is the birthday gift she always wanted! Ahahahaha. And she does look amazingly thin in that pic where she is on the ground.

  3. Well written! Now excuse me while I read the rest of your blog and get nothing else done at work today... (just kidding! Working hard!)