Saturday, June 15, 2013

For Whom the Bells Toll

I'm Bowie, he's the curmudgeon.

I don’t know if fight is the right word for what’s going on here. It’s more of a feud. An ongoing disagreement of indisputable facts in my favor. It all started when we were in the car and Bub says:

“The bells are on Wayne, Daddy.”

Let me decode. There is a church with a belltower containing these said bells that is on our normal walking course around the hood. And those bells are on Lakewood Avenue. I mean, that’s a fact. So far as I know, they have always been on Lakewood Avenue. There’s been no gerrymandering of church bells or relocation efforts from the parallel street known as Wayne. The bells, in a very tangible, ringy-dingy way, are physically housed on Lakewood.

“Ahhh, the bells. Yes, Bub, but I think the bells are on Lakewood.”

“Bells are on Wayne, Daddy.”

“No, I’m pretty sure they’re on Lakewood.”

“Actually, they’re on Wayne, Daddy.”

“Well, actually, if by Wayne you actually mean Lakewood, then yes. They’re on Lakewood.”

“No, they’re on Wayne, Daddy.”

Okay, see I thought we were having a friendly little disagreement, and then he says, NO, DADDY, YOU’RE WRONG, I’M RIGHT. Uh uh, little buddy. This sass will not stand.

“Okay, Bub, let’s just go see where those bells are then, huh?”

It was actually on our way home. Not that that mattered. I couldn’t lose our first fight—it would just send the wrong message.

So we drove up Berwyn, stopping right at the corner of Lakewood. Perfect view of victory.

“See there, Bub? There are bells. Right there on Lakewood. I realized this is a tad awkward because you can’t read, but if you COULD read, you would be able read that street sign. Do you know what L-A-K-E-W-O-O-D spells?”


“No, man. L-AKE-WOOD. Lakewood. The bells are on Lakewood. Point for Daddy. Thank you, good night.”

We didn’t even make it to Clark Street.


“Yes, Bub. Hey, it’s okay. You thought they were on Wayne. Only one street off. Honest mistake. It’s easy to get confu--”

“Bells are on MagNOLLLLLLIA!”

“No no, Bub, Magnolia is one bell-less street in the other direction. I just proved to you beyond a reasonable doubt that the bells are most certainly not on Magnolia. They are definitely on Lakewood. Got it?”

“Yessss.” Pause. “Um, Daddy? The bells are DEFINITELY on Wayne, Daddy.”

Happy Father’s Day, everyone.

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