Bub has a new hobby, and it’s spelling. Poorly. He learned his ABCs pretty quickly, and now can even recognize most of the lower case. What a cruel trick that is, by the way. The existence of the lower case.
Anyway, it’s cool that he has this knowledge that words represent objects, but like an armadillo with a three iron, he just can’t figure out what to do with it. Hasn’t the foggiest concept of a tee time.
So, inevitably, this happens:
Yep, that’s a computer, all right. It was hard to discourage this habit, especially since he was just so goddamn PROUD of himself.
It started with his Baby Einstein DVDs. The thing would come up at the beginning, before the video, with a flamboyant D! V! D! It’s Disney. And he started saying that when it came on. And by golly, he was watching a DVD. Brilliant! The boy was a genius!
He could even read backwards: “Y-V-A-N-D-L-O. Shirt!”
Or from the middle out: “Y-O-T-O-A-T. Car!”
He could even read encrypted messages: “1-5-A. Box!”
Eventually, we explained that Toshiba was not, in fact, computer. Toshiba was a multi-national corporation that sold many commercial electronic wares such as TVs and computers. He took is all pretty well, and after a couple tries, busted out:
But while I was still on hold with MENSA, Uncle Aaron came for a visit. We proudly showcased Bub’s dizzying intellect with our computer. Then Aaron took out his laptop. Seemed harmless enough, but this solitary act would bring the tenuous walls of Bub’s lexical world crashing down.
“What does this spell, Bub?” Aaron said.
Um, yeah. Awkward. I mean, that doesn’t even look like Toshiba, man. Let alone computaaaaaa!!!! I sheepishly deleted MENSA from speed dial, quietly consoled myself that while this one may have failed me for the last time, there is of course, another Skywalker.