Funny Funny

HP, what's a pirate's favorite letter? Arrrrr. Nothing.

So we recently suspended Bub’s Wii privileges, as they were. It’s not that I have a problem with my kid playing video games (clearly), it was that he started getting a little too into it. “BOOM, nice shot!” was one thing—it extends to his golf set and small pieces of reality. But when he started walking around yelling, “One player, two players!” we decided to pump the brakes.

He’s taken it pretty well, for the most part. In fact, it’s to the point where he can even laugh about it. Let me explain:

If you’re not familiar with Mo Willems, it’s because you don’t have kids. Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, which is pretty self-explanatory from narrative standpoint, quickly became a household favorite, and Bub’s probably heard it at least 800 times.

Then a month or so ago, he started doing something that took us a while to figure out, but it was an ultra-abbreviated version of the book. He pretty ingeniously condensed the entire story to a loop of:

“No fair, mom would let me. LET ME DRIVE THE BUS!!! Sad pigeon.”

He busts this out quite frequently, because it gets a good reaction from everyone except HP, who is largely indifferent, doesn’t appreciate avian humor. The other night, winding down at dinner, he started up again. I was bored and too lazy to take him out of the high chair, so, like Guns n Roses’ “Don’t Cry,” I started coming up with some alternate lyrics:

“No fair, mom would let me. LET ME PLAY THE WII!!! Sad Bub.”

He started belly-laughing his ass off. “More?” Then he started saying it, too, while his buttered peas looked on. It started getting good to us:

“No fair, mom would let me. LET ME DRINK THE MILK!!! Sad Priestess.”

“More? More?”

“No fair, mom would let me. LET ME WATCH THE GAME!!! Sad Daddy.”

“More?”

“No fair, dad would let me. LET ME GO TO THE GYM!!! Sad Mommy.”

And so on. He hasn’t come up with his own, yet, but the wheels are turning. More importantly, he got why it was funny. The kid has a sense of humor. He’s gonna need one in this family, especially when he’s old enough to read this stuff.