After what he calls and “exhaustive” search covering a 2
block radius, a local father known as Daddy was appalled to learn that his toddler
is worth next to nothing on the streets.
“Must be the economy,” Daddy said. “People just aren’t
plunking down for babies the way they used to.”
This comes fresh on the heels of Daddy listing
Bub on eBay, a failed twenty minute endeavor that ended with zero bids and
a devastated child.
“Somebody just paid three grand for Lindsey Lohan’s
skidmarked thong, and I can’t get a minimum bid of twenty bucks?” Bub said. “Ouch,
world.”
“A guy a couple alleys over that offered me 60 bucks and a free
kidney, but I thought, ‘Hey, I can do better,’” Daddy said. “The one that got
away, huh?”
Asked if he thought his nearly two year-old son, Bub, was
truly worth just sixty dollars, Daddy said, “Okay, I’ll take forty. And I’ll
throw in one of my kidneys.”
You know it’s illegal to traffic any human being, right?
“Well, so is speeding. So is jaywalking. So is breaking into
your neighbor’s apartment, trying on all his track suits and then taking a dump
in his Florsheims,” Daddy said. “Besides, I wouldn’t really call him traffic.
More of a speed bump.”
Asked what he would say to Daddy if he were to take five
minutes to actually talk to his son, Bub said: “Watch your Florsheims.”
Asked what he was going to do now, since the options on
unloading his firstborn seem to be dwindling, Daddy said:
“Probably take him to Target. They’ll take any returns
without a receipt.”
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