Baby Mad Libs

The Daily Grind

Every day I usually ___(verb)___ at about 6 a.m. because I am ___(adjective)___ and I’ve ___(verb)___  myself and I don’t know where I am.  After a while, Mommy picks me up and puts me on the ___(foreign object)___ where she ___(phrasal verb)___my ___(article of clothing)___ and puts a cold ___(noun)___ right on my ___(private part)___.  You might think this would make me ___(verb)___, but I must admit it actually makes me a little ___(adjective)___.  She then proceeds to ___(verb)___ my ___(noun)___, and then it’s off to the ___(place)___ we go!

Now maybe it’s me, but I don’t like to just wake up and have a ___(noun 1)___ shoved in my ___(orifice)___ first thing in the morning.  I mean, you could at least ___(verb)___ my ___(body part)___ first, right?  But I can’t deny that I do so love the ___(noun 1)___.  Even though it always makes me ___(bodily function)___ and sometimes it’s not always properly ___(-ed adjective)___, it does warm my ___(body part)___ and makes me feel almost ___(adjective)___.  Then after my healthy dose of ___(noun 1)___, she picks me up and ___(verb)___ me.  This invariably makes me ___(verb)___ all over the ___(noun adjective)___ rag.  If I really try, I can get some on the couch; one time I even got it on the ___(inanimate object)___!

Then Daddy takes over and it’s all downhill from there.  Most days I would rather ___(verb)___ with my own ___(object)___ than hang out with Daddy.  He mostly just sits around ___(progressive verb)___ with his ___(noun)___ all day, but when he actually talks to me, it’s pure ___(noun)___.  And then every time I ___(verb)___, he just asks me ‘What’s wrong?’ like a real ___(slang for donkey)___.  But he never gives me a chance to answer, he just shoves a ___(object)___ in my mouth and hands me the ‘keys to the palace’.  (Frankly, I have my doubts to the veracity of this alleged palace, and am starting to think Daddy is completely full of ___(shit)___.)   

But he does make up for it occasionally, in the bath.  He ___(verb)___ my ___(body parts)___ like no one I’ve ever met.  The water is so ___(adjective)___, that I usually ___(bodily function)___.  But Daddy says this is okay, because he ‘got me first,’ whatever that means.  And we are friends again.  But between you and me, I still think he's a lousy ___(hurtful insult)___.